Friday, July 27, 2007

My Wife is Driving Me Crazy!!!

[rant]Why the fuck can't my wife remember to bring her wallet, keys, and phone with her when she leaves the house? At least once a month I have to interrupt my day in some way to accommodate her because she can't remember to bring those items with her when she leaves the house. Since I was about ten years old I haven't rolled out without picture ID, keys, and money. When I get to the front door, I do a quick pocket check: wallet, keys, phone. Boom done, it takes less than 10 seconds.

Actually the thing that really pisses me off is that she has the nerve to be mad when I tell her how stupid and annoying it is that she's constantly doing this. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! Not only does she not apologize, but then gives attitude when I try to explain to her that she lives in Washington, DC; security capital of the United States; and it's probably not a smart thing to walk around without ID on her.

What's even more amazing is that half the time she didn't even forget, she actually made a decision to leave the house without her phone, ID, or keys!! This, of course, somehow turns into my problem.

WifeRat and BabyRat go to the park, I have a rare moment alone in the house to have an evening constitutional without BabyRat pounding on the door yelling, "Daddy, what you doing?" Before I can finish, the door buzzer is going off; I ignore it, figuring they're just playing with the buzzer. Buzzer goes off again. DAMN IT! Will I ever take a shit in peace in my own home?!?!?!!? Probably not for a couple of more years.[/rant]

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

death by bukkake requested

Anonymous said...

Here's is how to cure the rug rat of pounding on the door. Eat three to six barbeque meals in one day. No liquids. Try to hold off duecing for a day. Then when the peristalsis is driving you nuts, grab the rug rat and tell the little monster - 'you wanna see what daddy does in here? Check this out' and drag him into the loo with you. Then drop your drawers and take the nastiest crap you've taken in your life, straining and grunting through clenched teeth and grimacing with your eyes bugging out. During breaks, you can waft the fumes at the rug rat, especially when you fart. When you are done, you only need ask, 'Satisfied'? That is the last you will hear from the rug rat about what your bathroom habits.

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That's why i don't have a wife... i like my peaceful life without any interruption, good luck with that.

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